“You look good for your age” is a comment I often hear and one I have always taken as a compliment, but social mores now tell me that I shouldn’t.
When did a compliment turn into a battle cry for women aging?
I am told that looking good for one’s age shouldn’t be considered an accolade because it includes the caveat “for your age.” Caveat or not, I say bring on the praise!
I am 60, and yes, I’m aging, but I am proud of my skin care routine, exercise program, and good gene pool, which have brought me to this point. The fact is that compared to the average 60-year-old, I do look good. If I looked like this at 20, not so much.
To be honest, I think I look better now than I did in my 20s, mostly due to the confidence that comes with age. My 20-year-old self was more intimidated and less self-assured. I was sensitive about what we would call outer beauty metrics, particularly my extremely unmanageable curly hair. But with age comes wisdom (and a good hairdresser), and as I evolved so did my look.
So let’s talk about it, shall we?
The Compliment Conundrum
There was a time when “you look good for your age” felt like a gold star. It made me feel good about the aging process and how I was somehow overcoming the stereotype of what a woman in her 60s looks like.
Yet, on social media, I see over and over again women taking the compliment of looking good as an affront. They feel it is a backhanded compliment.
When someone tells me I look good for my age, I believe they are telling me that my appearance is pleasing and who doesn’t like to hear that?
There is actually a handbook one can find on the internet that provides a guide on how to say, “You look good for your age,” without saying it. The guide suggests phrases such as “you look incredibly youthful,” “you have aged gracefully,” and my favorite, “you are aging like a fine wine.” Oh Please!
Quite frankly, the simple “you look good for your age” does it for me. Blunt and to the point. No need to pussyfoot around the situation and no, I would rather not be compared to wine. That’s like telling me I am crisp and aromatic; I already know I’m vintage.
And that’s just it, who created this standard of a visual average for your decade that you’ve surpassed? Does it force age to be part of the beauty conversation whether you invited it in or not? When the compliment comes with a caveat, we must ask: is it admiration, surprise, or a backhanded way to say we’re defying expectations they didn’t know we were allowed to defy?
Looking Good Takes Maturity and Confidence
Let’s get one thing straight: I didn’t drink from a fountain of youth. Looking and feeling good about myself took me decades to achieve. I was never considered a “standard” beauty and I learned to do my best with the attributes I had. As I matured, I started to care less about typical beauty metrics and more about being respected for my opinions and achievements. I discovered confidence looks better on me than any contouring trick.
At 20, it was my first time out in the world and I realized there was so much to learn about life and myself. I didn’t think my physical attributes measured up, which made me timid and bashful.
At 60? I am not afraid to take center stage. I have strong opinions and voice them. I have also learned what styles and trends look good on me and what doesn’t. This self-assurance allows me to not chase others’s image of beauty, but rather it allows me to focus on looking exactly like me.
And guess what? I think this older version of me is quite attractive. I earned the title not by applying mascara or wearing the right shade of lipstick, but by being consistent with a fitness routine that supports joints, a skincare routine that addresses hormonal shifts, and a mindset that refuses to accept decline is key.
It has taken me years to develop a regimen that works for all of me—body shape, skin color, interests, and exercise goals—and it is an ongoing process. While good genes may contribute, they are not the sole factor.
Choosing wellness over trends, prioritizing strength over size. And perhaps most importantly, understanding that beauty in midlife is rooted in confidence, not comparison.
Everything Doesn’t Need to Be a Fight
Yes, the phrase “you look good for your age” can feel outdated. Yes, we can wish people said things differently. But not everything needs to become a battle for political correctness or social awakening.
Sometimes, people simply mean well. They’re genuinely impressed. They’re trying to connect. They may not realize that their words reflect a deeper cultural bias.
And that’s okay.
We can choose grace without losing power. We can accept praise without reinforcing stereotypes. Most importantly, we can use these moments as micro-opportunities to rewrite the story about aging, beauty, and self-worth.
How we respond to this common compliment sets a new tone for ourselves, our peers, and future generations watching us in midlife and beyond.
READ ALSO: 5 Tips to Feel Better in Your 50s: A Guide to Healthy Aging
How to Respond to This Common Compliment with Grace and Grit
There’s no one-size-fits-all response to this common compliment, but we can reclaim the narrative by responding in a way that feels both gracious and grounded.
Here are a few responses that honor both you and the intention behind the words:
- “Thank you. I feel good too—that’s even more important.”
- “I appreciate that. This is what 50 (or 60, or 70) can look like!”
- “Aging has taught me how to take care of myself—and it shows.”
- “That’s kind of you to say. I work at feeling strong and vibrant every day.”
Each of these replies does two things: it accepts the compliment without reinforcing the idea that age is a disadvantage, and it redirects the focus toward health, effort, and pride.
Because ultimately, we are not anomalies—we are the new standard.
READ ALSO: 13 Healthy Aging Tips for Women over 50
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, I’ll take the compliment. I don’t seek validation, but I understand the power of grace. You don’t get stronger by turning down kindness, even when it’s awkward.
I’ve lived through perms (in my case, it was hair-straightening techniques), low-rise jeans, and the rise and fall of fad diets. I’ve raised a kid, started over, loved hard, and lost more than a few battles with gravity.
But here I am—still standing, still laughing, and still rocking long hair, even though “women of a certain age” should be keeping their hair short.
So if you tell me I look good for my age, I’ll thank you.
And I’ll mean it.
Just don’t compare me to wine. I’m much more intoxicating.
Let’s Reflect Together:
How do you feel when someone says, “You look good for your age”? Do you take it as a compliment, or does it make you pause and think? Have your feelings about it changed over time? Let’s share our stories in the comments. After all, every wrinkle has a story and every story deserves to be heard. We’re rewriting what aging looks like, together.
